Due to my love of worrying, I plan. I make lists. I think everything through and do my best to make sure that I can make everything work out.
This does not always go as one plans. To paraphrase what a friend of mine once said, "We plan and God laughs."
The pinnacle of my worrying career occurred this last summer during my furlough to the US. For the first time, my sister and I were going without our parents. We were going to travel to the other side of the planet, then around that side of the planet, for almost three months WITHOUT MY PARENTS! I was a nervous wreck. Because I was worried I planned:
Tickets: check! Packed backs: check! Chewing gum for the flight: check! (Where's my passport?!? Oh, there it is...)
Our plane ride across to the US went very smoothly. Then came the most challenging part of our trip, traveling around and raising support. My sister and I lost a considerable amount of support after this tour so we had a considerable amount to raise. We also had a sponsor to find. Cue planning mode.
Acquire vehicle: check! Email supporters: check! Plan trip: check!
From then on it was smooth sailing. People took such good care of us! We stayed with wonderful people, ate at their houses or ate out with them at restaurants, people took us sightseeing, and they just loved us. We are so blessed! We got to go so many places and see so many things!
While traveling we were also raising money. Everyone we met was so encouraging and helped tremendously, even if it wasn't financially.
When we got to about a month before we were scheduled to leave things started to feel different and I began to worry again. At that point we only had about half of our monthly support committed and no sponsor. That's when I really started to freak out.
What are we to do if we don't get a sponsor? Can we still go back?
I pleaded with the Lord to show me his plan, and it seemed like all I got back was silence. What was I to do?!?
It was around this time that in the deep dark recesses of my heart I began to doubt that I was supposed to return to Cebu. I couldn't see how things could bounce back from this depressing state. Despite all the encouragement we had from our brethren, I felt uncertain.
This was when my lesson in trust really began. The week before we left we were invited to share about our work to a couple congregations. People began to make financial commitments. After a presentation on Sunday night one of the elders at my grandparents' congregation came up to me and said that they would take up sponsorship. A couple days later another congregation said that they would pick up the remaining support we lacked. We were all set!!!
After all of this you would think that I would have learned, but even preparations for our actual flight back to the field had me worried.
Are our bags too heavy? Did we get everything we need? What do I do about all this stuff?
Do you know what happened when we checked in? Every single bag was underweight. We had a lot of weight in carry-on luggage so guess what? They let us check another bag for free. We had a long layover in LA, we got free passes to the Business Class Lounge. They even upgraded our tickets for the last leg of our trip! When we arrived in Cebu all our bags arrived with us!
It's embarrassing, isn't it?
The Lord has always had the situation under control, no matter what happened. Even when I didn't think so, he was there trying to show me that he's the boss. If it wasn't for me being such a wool-headed goose then perhaps he wouldn't have had to go to such lengths.
A passage came to my mind when I sat back and thought about all that has happened:
"25 On account of this I say to you; "Do not be anxious for your soul what you might eat [or what you might drink], neither for your body what you might wear. Is not the soul more (important) than food and the body than clothing? 26 Consider the birds of heaven that they do not sow nor reap nor do they gather together into storehouses, and your heavenly father feeds them; Are you not better (worth more) than them? 27 And who of you while worrying is able to add one cubit to his height? 28 And why are you worrying concerning clothing? You observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor spin; 29 But I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory was clothed as one of these. 30 But if God clothes the grass of the field in this way which is here today and tomorrow is cast into (the) furnace, (will he) not much more (clothe) you, oh you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious saying, "What might we eat?" or; "What might we drink?" or; "What might we wear?" 32 For the nations seek after all these things; for your heavenly father knows that you need all these (things). 33 But you seek first the kingdom [of God] and his justice, and all these things will be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry into tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself; The trouble of (tomorrow) is sufficient for the day." Matthew 6:25-34 (SAM)
For some reason I'm important to the Lord. He looks down and this ridiculous speck of a person and loves me. A lot. I think I've learned my lesson. As a result of all of this, I don't think I'm ever going to worry again.
And if I do? Shame on me :).
